Some Sirius Coffee
by Beatlebug
Summary: Summary: It's the summer of '76. Remus Lupin is a young man, belonging to a man he doesn't want to belong to. Then along comes Sirius.. A guy that makes him feel wanted. A guy that shows him what love can truly be like. But nothing is what it seems to be. Or is it..? Warning: Not your average fanfic! Non-magic, AU and probably not what you'd expect. Rated M for abuse and intimacy.
1. Some Sirius Coffee

**A Cup of Coffee**

 **Summary: It's the summer of '76. Remus Lupin is a young man, belonging to man he doesn't want to belong to. Then along comes Sirius.. A guy that makes him feel wanted. A guy that shows him what love can truly be like. But nothing is what it seems to be. Or is it..?**

 **Warning: Not your average fanfic! Non-magic, AU and probably not what you'd expect. Rated M for several reasons.**

 **Disclaimer: I own no characters whatsoever.**

Introduction 

'Coffee?'  
'I don't like coffee.'  
'Shut up. Everyone likes coffee.'  
'I don't. Makes me puke.'  
'Insane.'  
'And paprika. And tomato soup.'  
'Everyone likes tomato soup!'  
'Nope.'  
Silence as he stared at with me with mocking suspicion. Waiting for new oddities from my endless supply.  
'Mushrooms.' I said. I knew it was what he wanted to hear. And he reacted how I wanted him to.  
' _Everyone_ likes mushrooms!' Two arms thrown in the air in a dramatic gesture.  
'Nope. Dirty slippery things.'  
Two pairs of shoes next to each other at the edge of the table. Sun shining through the window, blinding us with the white edges of our sneakers. White dots on my retina. Same brand, same model. Different colour. Sneakers were casual and that's how I wanted us to be too.

It was burning hot and even sneakers felt like too much. Yet he was wearing jeans. Who was the idiot?  
'What do you do in the morning?' He asked.  
'What do I do in the morning?' Distracted by his jeans.  
'Without coffee.'  
'I do tea.'  
He stares at me, too long, then shakes his head as his gaze redirects to our blinding sneakers. Both a little blinded.

 _It started small. Tiny and innocent. You take another look and brown eyes turn out to be blue. Brown hair turns out to be blonde. Skinny. No, not at all. A person and a feeling growing in your head and you get used to it. You don't see how the silhouette turns into a person with a voice, a sound. It is innocent. At least. It felt that way.  
_ 'Tea, then?'  
His voice pulled me back from the daydream. The sound of it told me it wasn't the first time he ask. Too late I noticed, while turning my head towards him, that he used my mental absence to stand up. I wasn't looking at his familiar face but at his not-so familiar crotch. Quickly I relocated my gaze and nodded.  
'Nice.'  
An ambiguous answer after an odd moment but he was kind enough to pretend he didn't notice. Because this was Sirius. And Sirius was great.

 _It's all about thoughts, growing. It's with me. At first every now and then. Then every moment of every day. It didn't feel strange to me because I got used to it. The constant presence. The need to suck up every tiny detail like an insatiable human sponge. Wanting to get to know every stripe and every piece of history. Habits, sense of humor. Loving coffee._

My eyes followed his frame as it walked towards the kitchen. I wondered how old he was. Somehow that always felt like a question one shouldn't ask.  
'What kind of tea do you prefer?'  
'Surprise me.'  
So he had a collection of tea. He wasn't from the age where there was nothing but English blend. At least I assumed there'd been an age like that. And he wasn't from it. But it was just nice to think about what someone had experienced in their life time. Had we ever attended the same book publications of watched the same things on television. Did we play outside with the same kind of toys?

Age was never an obvious thing. Looks were, though. Those gorgeous black curls and piercing grey eyes were pure perfection. Even his head was shaped nicely. Not a ball, not an egg and not a brick. Just a good head in which one could find pleasure looking at it. And he even pleased my odd obsession with noses. A bit too long but straight as an arrow. Exactly the kind I liked. The kind you wanted to rub your nose against in a childish yet cute gesture. Concluding, he was handsome. Handsome enough to take another look at him and realise you saw it alright. A sweet, soft man with broad shoulders.  
'There you go.' A cup in front of me, held by hands with long, slender fingers. That's it, I quit. Promise.  
'Thank you.' As he handed it over to me. There should be talking but I wasn't sure what to say. An odd contrast. My feet at the edge of his table seemed to say we were close. The somewhat uncomfortable silences told we just met. I took a sip to distract myself and burned my tongue. Sirius laughed. As he should.

'I always add cold water.' I muttered. I wasn't really mad but it suited the situation.  
'I'll keep that in mind.' He promised. 'Do you like the flavour, though? You seem like a cinnamon kind of guy.'  
'Definitely a cinnamon kind of guy.' I agreed between blowing cold air into my cup. Sirius had a cup of coffee. The burning smell tickled my nose and made my mouth feel dry.  
'Does it bother you?'  
'What?' As I turned to face him.  
He lifted his cup as an answer. Ah. The smell of his coffee.  
'Oh, no.' I answered. 'I love the smell. Just hate the taste.'  
He grinned and took a sip of his coffee. Of course _he_ didn't burn his tongue and I could sense that he wanted to tell me how insane I was, once again.

 _When do you cross a line? When is something I see as normal, strange in a stranger's eyes? When will I realise that what I'm doing isn't the right thing to do? Or even better. When would I realise that I had to quit this. Right now. Because of course I damn well knew this wasn't right. That it slowly tightened around my neck like a noose I could never escape from. But no matter how hard I tried, I knew it was useless. I tied the knot myself. I put that noose around my own neck and it was me who pulled it tight. Now, when I no longer wanted this, I found it was too late. I started it and I could never get away from it again._

We drank in silence for a while before I glanced at my watch. Time to go home. I quickly finished the cup, cooled off by now, and jumped up.  
'It was great, but I have to go.'  
'Oh, okay.' Said Sirius. I'm not sure whether it was just because I wanted it to be but he seemed to be a little disappointed. Still, he walked me to the door and game me that sweet smile one last times. I forgot about the dimples. I took me all my effort to not touch them and instead let my fingers tuck away a strand of my own hair. _  
_'Bye.' I said.  
'Bye.' He said.  
He closed the door and disappeared behind the two inches of solid wood. I stood there for a little while longer. Imagined how he would walk back to the couch. Just right. Not too sissy and not too cocky. Would he crash down on the couch or was he the kind that would do the dishes first? And then what? Would he read a book or watch tv? Or perhaps he had some work he had to finish first..

I fluttered down the staircases, almost skipping. I made a new friend to add to my short list of nice people. There weren't many, mostly due to my lack of social contact capabilities. But Sirius seemed easy going. He seemed to understand I just wasn't always able to pay attention but that didn't mean I didn't want to. And that was the way I liked my friends to be.

 **There. The first chapter. Please let me know if you want more!  
A little question for you guys; if Remus would already be in a relationship. With whom would it be? **


	2. When Remus First Heard His Name

**I realised I already posted the first part of this but it didn't feel complete. So here we go!**

 **When Remus first heard his name.**

It started at Lily's place. Lily was Remus' childhood friend. The only one, really. But that's kind of what happened if you were the only two children in the same neighbourhood. They weren't even alike. Not even close. Well no. They both liked books but that was about where the similarities ended. Lily was beautiful, spirited and fierce in a friendly way. Remus was plane and quiet.  
Everyone in the neighbourhood knew who she was. Remus, however, was named a different name almost every single day. He felt replaceable.

Lily never felt that way about him though. She wanted to be his friend. And so they played together almost every single day. But as Remus grew older, his path diverted from hers. At the age of 18, he moved away, a two hour drive further. And two hours seemed to grow longer and longer as they grew older and started their own respectable lives.

Yet here Remus was. On Lily's birthday in the house she shared with James, in the city he moved to seven years ago. Lily and James were the kind of well-oiled machine that was able to tell _one_ story between the two of them. He was there the day they met. Remus worked in a little bakery annex coffee shop you must know and it was there these two first laid eyes on each other. Just one glare and they hit it off. Really. It was hard to imagine a parallel universe in which this wouldn't have happened. They were quite the match. Anyone. He was on her birthday now.

Lily and James were the kind of well-oiled machine that was able to tell _one_ story with the two of them. James sitting in his chair, Lily on the arm, nodding at each other every now and then. I heard the story about how they met time and time again. But this time it had an alternative ending ad that ending's name was Sirius Black.

'He played the piano, right?' Lily asked and James nodded.  
'Indeed. He walked into my shop, started to play around a little. Sounded good enough.' James worked in a music shop next to my coffee place. That was where they met Sirius. The guy that played around on pianos a little.  
'James joined with his guitar and they gathered an audience in no time!' Lily proudly said, proud of her spirited boyfriend, so much like her. It made you wonder whether there could ever be a universe in which these two hadn't hit it off right away.  
'Yes.' James agreed. 'He came around a bit more and we got to talk. Great guy.'  
'Great guy.' Lily repeated, as if that would make it even more true. 'Amazing guy but newly divorced. Poor guy. He's such fun!'  
'He'll find someone.' James said because, you know. Sirius was _such fun.  
_ Something burned inside of me. It always annoyed me to hear people in a good relationship assume that finding a good lover and being happy was something that just happened to everyone.  
'So he plays piano but he's also a very talented artist in other fields.' She took a drawing he made of her. Slightly prettier than she actually was. So Sirius Black was an ass kisser. But that worked both ways because the entire birthday turned into Sirius this and Sirius that.  
'He went to Tibet. Stayed in a monastery for half a year.'  
'He's probably the only guy in the world that's not into football.' Laughter.  
'He doesn't even own a tv!'

It just kept going and going and I decided I didn't like Sirius one bit. Tibet. No tv. Sirius really needed people to find him interesting, didn't he. Who on earth didn't own a tv. Voluntarily at least. Yes. Sirius sounded like a great ponce. Lily and James had lost their respective minds, liking a guy like that.

 **Right now:**

'Oh God.' I was nearly out of breath as I closed the front door behind me, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to calm my raging heart down. Lucius had been right. I never should've taken on that job. It was pointless and I couldn't combine it with my other duties.  
'Come on buddy. Keep breathing.' I have no idea why I talk to myself like that. But it tends to work sometimes. With a quick look around I see things look quite alright. Perhaps he wouldn't know. I could try to explain that the espresso machine exploded and that I had to stay an extra hour to clean everything up. But I know what that would ignite in him. The voice was clear in my head. _I told you it wasn't a good idea. You belong here. With me. You don't need a job._

Perhaps he wouldn't notice.. A boy could hope. And so I decided on a quick shower so at least _I_ would be clean enough, in case he was in a picky mood.

Showers were supposed to be relaxing but it never worked that way for me. Seeing myself naked just reminded me of how I was his and probably always would be. I was in love once. I really was. He was so kind and treated me like a prince. Then things changed.. I had to pay for my own opinion. Literally. I could still see his face when I told him I wanted a job. Something to keep me occupied. Something to escape to, really. To feel useful. And that literally came with a price too.

The shower ended quickly as they always did and I couldn't wait to get dressed again, running downstairs and making sure his coffee would be at the ready the moment he stepped in. Everything had to be pinpoint and perfect. Just as he wanted it to be.

It was 5 p.m. exactly when the door opened and I was standing where I was supposed to stand. One foot away from the coffee machine, cup in my hand and smiling shyly as he walked in. So gorgeous. That silky blonde hair. Posture, aristocratic cheekbones. Flashing blue eyes that he once thought were beautiful but now realised were just cold. A man he was supposed to love. Lucius came closer, ready to bend in for a kiss when his eye got caught by the windowsill. The bloody window sill.

I felt my heart skip a beat as Lucius walked over to it, slid one long, slender finger over the recently re-painted wood (that happed at least once a year, for some ridiculous reason) and retreated it. A slight hint of dust and I cursed myself. I forgot the windowsill.

'Again.' Lucius smiled, as if he knew what I was thinking. 'Sweetheart, I'll start thinking you're doing this to upset me.'  
'I don't, I just..' But Lucius halted me with his finger.  
'Don't oppose me.' His voice was still calm but I could recognize the lingering thunder. 'You disappoint me. Time and time I tell you and time and time you forget.'

'I'm really s-sorry.' Great. Yes Lupin, you are really making a point by throwing in a stutter. 'I won't forget next time. I promise.'

My heart just stopped beating altogether as Lucius walked over to me and took my chin between two fingers.  
'I'd love to believe that. You know I do. But we've been through this several times and you can never remember it. It's not that hard. Is it?'  
'No.' I whispered, a twist in my stomach, waiting for the threatened words. And they came.  
'Go upstairs.'  
'But..' I started but I knew it was useless. The cold eyes glared right through me and this time the words came out as cold as those orbs.  
'Go upstairs. I won't ask again.'  
His hands took the cup of coffee from mine and he drank one sip before rolling his eyes and pouring it down the drain. He did it every single time, just to spite me. To show me it was bullshit that I worked in a coffee shop if I couldn't even make him a decent cup. To show me that I could avoid whatever punishment he'd choose to give me if I just admitted I belonged here, with him. And that I didn't need a job. But that was my last strand of pride and I wasn't willing to give it up just like that.  
So when he looked over his shoulder, I turned around and walked away

My fingers gripped the handrail tightly as I walked upstairs, wondering why I was still here and not in the arms of a sweet stranger. I no longer cared for beauty.


End file.
